You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
