i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need a shit load of segways right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
