Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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