i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
