I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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