when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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