if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
