pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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