his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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