It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
