We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
