It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
