I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
