You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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