oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
