my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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