The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just wanna soil my oats bro
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
