Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
