No stitches, just platelets and will power
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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