sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
