well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
