Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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