they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
