She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you win again, gameday.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
