I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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