you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
