I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
