he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
