I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
