God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
