no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
