I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
