I think my vagina is haunted
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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