Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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