i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
