I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
