i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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