apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
