Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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