you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
