i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
