Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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