She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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