She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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