I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm like, not good at living.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
