Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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