There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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