I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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