Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
