My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
