I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
