i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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