I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
