Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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