I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
