you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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