I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
