Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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